The Plight of Rodney
by Eryn Grace O'Malley
Summary: Rodney is whining, again. How will the team respond?


The Plight of Rodney

"I can't believe you guys didn't tell me!" whined Dr. Rodney McKay. He and the rest of the team, Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, Teyla Emmagan, and Ronon Dex, were coming back from a routine mission to a different planet in a Puddle Jumper.

"We had no idea the planet had two suns, if we did, we would have told you," replied Sheppard. He was starting to get really annoyed with Rodney.

[Pause]

The team, led by Lt. Colonel John Sheppard, is one of many exploring the Pegasus Galaxy. Their "base" is the Ancients' city of Atlantis, which was lost for ten thousand years. Ancients are a highly evolved race of humans who learned how to ascend to a higher plain of existence where they existed as pure energy. The Atlantis Expedition had been going on for four years, and in those four years the Expedition members had found a powerful enemy called the Wraith. The Wraith are aliens that have a semi-human form and suck the life out of the humans they feed on through their hands.

John Sheppard is the leader of the team and a good one at that, he is usually calm, but you do not want to be on his bad side. You especially do not want to be on Ronon's bad side, and if you are a Wraith, you do not even want to be on the same planet with him. He is the team's muscle; his solution to any problem involving the enemy is, "Kill them all." In addition, he is from a different planet called Sateda, which the Wraith destroyed. Teyla is also an alien, but not from Sateda. She is the most level headed of the bunch. Even though she is normally calm, it is still a bad idea to tick her off; she is a great warrior. Dr. Rodney McKay is the team's scientist and resident genius, and does not have a problem saying so. He is afraid of just about everything, especially death and dying. Oh, and he is deathly allergic to citrus.

Originally called Gate Ships, Puddle Jumpers, kindly named by Sheppard, are small ships built by the Ancients to fly through Stargates, devices also built by the Ancients that allow for instantaneous travel from one planet or even galaxy to another. Stargates work by turning whatever goes through them into a matter stream that travels to whichever Gate was dialed and is then reconfigured into whatever it originally was.

[Play]

"Do you have any idea how much radiation _two_ suns could give off?" continued Rodney.

"Don't care," the deep voice of Ronon replied.

"Of course _you_ don't! That much radiation could give you all sorts of cancers, not to mention sunburns!" continued the doctor.

"You'll be fine Rodney," Teyla said firmly. She was starting to get annoyed at this point too.

"No, no, no," McKay exclaimed, "I think I did get a sunburn!" He then started mumbling to himself about the damage that might have occurred in his skin cells.

"Can I shoot him please?" asked Ronon.

"No," answered Sheppard.

"Even if I put my gun on 'stun?'" continued Ronon.

"No!" the colonel said firmly, though in reality he kind of wished Ronon would shoot Rodney.

Oblivious to the danger he might be in; Rodney continued to freak out about his sunburn. "Don't you think that looks like a sunburn? I think it's a sunburn," he rambled.

Teyla had finally had enough. She got up, walked to the back of the Jumper, and pulled out the first aid kit. After rummaging through it for a while, she found the jar of Aloe Vera, recently delivered via the Intergalactic Gate Bridge.

[Pause]

The Intergalactic Gate bridge, which Rodney helped design, was built so that people could quickly Gate between the Pegasus Galaxy and the Milkyway Galaxy, (Earth is in the Milkyway Galaxy). It works by forwarding the matter stream from one Gate to another until it reaches the Midway Station, built in the void between galaxies. From there Earth is dialed and the process is repeated. It also works going from Earth to Atlantis.

[Play]

Teyla picked up the jar of green goo and walked to the front of the Jumper. She stopped behind Rodney's chair and unscrewed the lid of the jar. Ronon realized what was about to happen and grinned.

Rodney, still unaware, was showing everyone his maybe-a-sunburn, "See it's red! I can't believe…"

He was suddenly cut off when Teyla dumped all of the Aloe on his head. She leaned forward and hissed in his ear, "You. Will. Be. Fine. Rodney." While Rodney was still in shock, she went back to her seat and sat down. At this point Ronon and Sheppard were laughing at their unfortunate teammate.

Rodney sat in stunned silence while his brain processed what had just happened. Once he did, he shot up out of his seat spraying goo in all directions. The goo sprayed on Sheppard, the goo sprayed on Ronon, the goo sprayed on Teyla, and the goo sprayed on the Jumper's windshield-type-thing.

"Why did you do that!?! Don't you know they've proved the chemicals in that stuff just make sunburns worse!?!" babbled Rodney in rapid-fire succession.

"Ronon, set your gun to 'stun' and shoot him," Sheppard ordered in a forced calm voice, he had had enough with Rodney.

"No problem," replied the ticked-off Satedian. He reached for his pistol.

Somehow, Rodney had heard the exchange through his rambling. He made a break for the back of the Jumper. However he slipped on some of the green gunk, fell, slid into the back, and hit his slimy head. He did not get up.

"Is he all right?" asked Ronon.

"He's fine, he probably just was knocked unconscious," replied Sheppard.

"Or he fainted," said Teyla.

"Again," replied the colonel with a hint of a chuckle. "Carter is going to kill us."

[Pause]

Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter is the new leader of the Atlantis Expedition. She is pretty nice, though she tends to be a bit serious.

[Play]

"Whatever she does to us, it'll be worth it," commented Ronon.

"True," agreed Sheppard.

* * *

This was a short story I wrote for school in 2007/2008. The reason for the "Plause" "Play" thing was so that I could explain what was going on to my teacher. The story is set in the begining of the fourth season, some time between the episodes Reunion and Midway (there is a reason I am being so specific) More fanfics to come, so stay tuned!

I know there is probably gramar/spelling mistakes. If you want to, please point them out to me. Thanks for reading


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